Stories, comments, observations and opinions by a Texan who is happily retired in Sonoma, California. Once a Texan....always a Texan.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Lemons in a Box

Armon Leifenbacker the Forth was a farm boy.  His great grandfather, grandfather and father were farmers.  The multi-generational family lived 3 miles outside Tunica, Mississippi on the family property, the property Armon One was given by his owner when he was freed after the Civil War. All the Armons knew it was unusual for black folks to have a German name. But, that’s the way it was.
For generations the Leifenbacker’s lived off their cotton and peanut crops.  If the weather cooperated, they were fine.  If not, the Leifenbackers came close to starving since potatoes, tomatoes and other area produce required the same good weather as the cash crop.
Tunica County’s claim to fame from it’s inception, if it could be deemed an honor, was that the little delta town was listed as one of the nation’s top ten poorest counties. A full 25 percent of the citizens lived below the poverty level each relying on an elaborate bartering system to keep them in essentials. In the late 1990’s the official average family income topped off at $22,000 per year. Those figures were achieved only because some casinos were built providing the region with its first non-agricultural industry.
When Armon Four was three his Daddy traded a bail of cotton for three crates of lemons. Melbalee, Four’s Mama, was thrilled.  Lemons were a delicacy to be treated with reverence since they came all the way from South Texas.  She made sweet lemonade, then lemon pies, then lemon cakes and then lemon curd for the pantry.  Mablelee put peels in muslin bags and hung them in the windows so the house would smell fresh. Eventually she was out of ideas for the yellow ovals so she allowed the little boy to play with the boxes and drying-out lemons.  Because Four had no real toys, rolling the lemons around the house and yard represented hours of entertainment.
Before he was five he could target an empty box, toss an almost petrified lemon inside from thirty yards away and never miss.  His dad and mom often threw them back to the tyke to keep him nearby while they worked the fields, never paying attention to the child’s dexterity and ability to catch and throw.
A major turn in Four’s life happened at the Good Will when his Mama took him to get new jeans for school. New to the youngest Armon meant “purchased at Good Will” or “given out at church trade days.”  It was there that Four spotted a worn-out, but genuine, regulation football.  Mablelee, realizing the lemons had long sense dried into dust, bought it for her son. From that time on, the boy spent every minute he wasn't working the fields playing some kind of game with a ball. 
Thanks to the enforcement of integration laws, Four was the first Leifenbacker allowed to attend public high school. His six foot four, two hundred pound body was nothing special to the family.  They just chalked it up to country cooking and hard farm work.  However, at Tunica High coaches, fellow students and the team’s supporters revered him.  Armon the Forth was the highest scoring player on the Lion’s baseball, basketball and football teams….ever.  His family, like all families in Tunica, never missed a Lion’s game. They were proud of Four’s athletic success as long as there was time to plant and pick.
They never dreamed he would have offers to attend college and discouraged the many recruiters who visited the farm trying to sell them on their school. The boy was needed at home and that was that.  That is until the folks from Ole Miss assured Mama they would take care of her boy, that he would be safe, have home-cooked meals and a nice bed and room of his own.  They had a harder time explaining how Papa could run his farm without Four but after negotiations the coach of Ole Miss picked up Armon Four and delivered him to the school’s campus in time for football practice. 
In trade the Ole Miss Boosters, a group of rich Rebel fans who always did what it took to get the athletes they wanted, left a shiny new John Deere tractor to aid Papa. For Mama a brand new purple Cadillac complete with driving lessons appeared in the gavel drive next to their house.
The Leifenbackers never missing a chance to cheer for their son, drove a hundred miles each way in the purple Caddy to attend each Rebel home game. They quickly learned to enjoy dining out and staying overnight at the Oxford, Mississippi La Quinta Inn.
When Armon accepted a multi-million dollar contract with the San Francisco Forty-Niners they could only wish their boy well.  They had no idea where San Francisco was but knew they could see him play on their wide screen TV, another perk furnished by the Ole Miss Booster Club.
Armon became a member of the Niners team, faithfully sitting on the bench season after season.  Then in 2014 Armon’s agility and accuracy placed him at the top of the roster.  That happened when Michael Crabtree was injured in the forth quarter of the tied-up Superbowl game and Coach Jim Harbaugh sent Armon in to replace Crabtree. In the last minutes of the hard-fought battle Armon Leifenbacker the Forth caught Colin Kaepernick’s winning pass and won the game for the Niners. 
In between the shouts and cheering, a newscaster remarked, "This teams up the two players with the most difficult-to-pronounce names in the league. By God, each name is spelled with so many letters they won't fit across the back of the player’s jerseys."
Howie Long, on the field with television cameras rolling, put a microphone in Leifenbacker’s face. “Can you believe it!  Superbowl 49 and the 49ers take the trophy.  Armon Leifenbacker, how does a farmer from Tunica, Mississippi get to the big leagues and make the winning play in a Superbowl game?”
Wet from a Gator Aid splash the hero laughed into the camera. ”Well, Howie. I guess you could say my football career started with a bunch of lemons in a box.”


Sunday, May 11, 2014

AXE TO GRIND




I’m aggravated about getting old knowing there’s not anything I can do about it. I don’t mind having stored some tidbits of knowledge and wisdom over the years somewhere in my brain. But, the rest of growing old is not okay with me.  The idea of having a bucket list and trying to accomplish everything on that list is NOT compensation for having to have the list in the first place.  It’s a diversion, nothing more.

What ever happened to not being concerned about death or time? Where are the days of endless summers when lying on the beach soaking up the sun were many? Where making love in the sand was fun? Where splashing in the waves was glorious?

I don’t like the aches and pains my body has developed. I don’t like being the target of nasty germs that make me sick. I hate taking weeks to get over a cold. I don’t like having to eat bland vegetables. I long for spicy Mexican food, for hotter than hot chili spread over a mound of tamales; for chili con queso with jalapenos. I am mad I don’t have freedom to eat as much as I want without having to take antacids. I want rich creamy ice cream eaten out of the carton shared with a lover.

I just heard the song “Younger than springtime am I. Gayer than laughter am I” and I miss that feeling, the one of being “in love”, not just “loving.” I love plenty but my hormones are lazy, lethargic.  I’m angry I won’t again experience that young, naïve love where nothing matters but seeing and touching someone I think I can’t live without another minute. Now I know love can end leaving only memories for me to enjoy – or not.

I’m pissed off that I’m a hanger on; someone that is only on the periphery of society; someone whose opinions are considered out of date; someone whose ideas are listened to and ignored; someone who is given society’s condescending smile; someone who cannot get a meaningful job.

I’m not growing old gracefully. I’m fighting it every day keeping the old body moving, the brain neurons firing and talking louder and longer when I have an opinion I think is worthy. Writing is a way, a way to stay viable. If I’m fortunate to have someone read what I put on paper most of the time they have no way of knowing I’m an old broad hanging in and on to life with an axe to grind.

These were my comments on the topic when asked to write about AXE TO GRIND in a Sonoma Writer's Alliance session. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

PREVENT COSMETIC LEAKS WHEN FLYING

Seems each time I travel by air when I open my luggage - carry-on or not, my cosmetics have leaked all over the place. I thought I'd tried everything.... tightening tops, loosening lids, putting products in plastic bags......none did a thing to help.

Being a thrifty person I'd try to salvage some of the usually-expensive products. I'd use Qtips or Kleenex or fingers.....anything to utilize some of the make-up base or cleansing cream or shampoo or skin lotions.....you get the picture. I'd recoup a few drops, and spread the icky mix around as best I could. So, maybe my face would have shampoo mixed with make-up base or I'd wash my hair with shampoo and sun tan lotion. So, what I'm saying....this method of prevention works and now when I open my bags, Yea!, no greasy cases to have to replace and no combo-products spread all over. Thanks to lifehacker for this tip.

Here's the link to the easy, cheap method of conserving products when flying.


http://lifehacker.com/5924942/keep-toiletries-from-exploding-during-travel-with-plastic-wrap

Sunday, June 23, 2013

LAVENDER GARDENS AT MATANZAS CREEK WINERY


A few miles outside the city of Sonoma, up in the Bennett Valley Hills, be on the lookout for Matanzas Creek Winery.  Following the road through vineyards you'll end at the lovely tree-house-looking winery complex. Surrounding the hillside buildings are fields of lavender; lavender of all varieties. I found the experience calming, even spiritual. As I drove away I realized breathing-in this gentle herb changed my mood from stressed to contented.....like living the the Sonoma Valley can ever be termed "stressful"! 






Friday, May 3, 2013

GARAGE SALE.......or, Have I Gone Completely Insane?




All right! I voted “yes” when our small homeowners association decided to have a group garage sale.  But, that was months ago and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Today I am forced to follow through on the commitment but it’s hot and I’m tired and ready to sign myself in to the nearest institution for the insane. 

Perhaps the best thing about the process is that I HAD to clean closets, drawers and shelves in search of items to place on the selling-block.  



So, yesterday, instead of reading a good book, I put tiny neon stickers on dishes, knick-knacks, clothes and appliances I found hiding out in dark corners. As expected, bright and early a crowd appeared to see what they couldn’t do without for a dollar or a quarter. They probably will do what I did at neighborhood sales, buy a few things, take them home, place them in a cabinet and then next year when it’s their garage sale time, they’ll drag the purchases out and some other person will fall prey to the process.


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

SPRING CLEANING



The best way for me to get my house sparkling gleaming clean is to plan a party. It's not that I don't keep things in order, but underneath the neat façade lurks some nasty stuff. I am not admitting I have little or no self-discipline or that I am lazy, but I put off scrubbing corners and straightening cabinets until dirt and grime reach a critical point. It should be shameful enough to know my family’s health might be compromised by the dreaded e-coli germs advertised on the Lysol commercials, but without outside influence I am not motivated to scrub, scour and polish. Martha Stewart would be horrified at my lack of interest in house cleaning.

When I see that cobwebs have become friendly spider hotels looking like Halloween decorations scattered with whole communities of creepy crawly families, I know it’s time to invite a few people over. When the stairs are piled high with stuff needing to be transported upwards or downwards creating an obstacle course as dangerous as climbing rocky mountains, it’s time to be thinking about menus. When opening closet doors is as hazardous as an earthquake, I pick a date for the event.

In my party invitation guest list I always include my feared picky neat-nick friend. She is the super motivator. I know her eyesight is 20/20 and mouth the size of CNN News. It may seem like backward organization but my process is to invite everyone first, then begin the arduous task of cleaning. In the past I tried cleaning first and then inviting, but it produced disastrous results. It was a year and a half before I completed the cleaning project, the guest list was obsolete and the spiders had moved back in.

So, while I don’t want to offend any friends that are invited to my next dinner party thinking they are only an excuse for house cleaning, I do want to extend a big “thank you” in advance for their help.

Monday, April 8, 2013

GOLDEN YEAR CHALLENGE....approaching 65




ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE…..approaching 65.......

Today I received another large packet of Medicare Insurance information. My knee-jerk impulse was to make a quick call to the 800 number telling these well-meaning folks that I know I’m going to be 65 in a couple of months and I don’t need a reminder. Leave me alone while I pretend I’m still 40. I think the whole Medicare paperwork nightmare is really one gigantic test designed to punish baby boomers for using up the nation’s wealth.

It takes the nerves and patience of a brain surgeon to sort through the stacks of insurance information arriving daily in my mailbox. There are pamphlets from companies like Blue Cross, Blue Shield and AARP which I keep in one stack. The envelopes from companies I’ve never heard of, like Northwest National Heritage Association and Homeland Health, land in the garbage. I have to wonder how this many companies found out I have “the big birthday” looming in my immediate future.

The myriad of letters and booklets offer information designed to tell us seniors (that’s the nice word for old folks) how to prepare for the onslaught of medical expenses on the horizon. These complicated insurance plan catalogues are designed to prove we are no longer functioning adults. They are full of undecipherable charts, graphs, and statistics reminding that now is the time for me to spend all my savings; not on the trips I had imagined, but on bedpans and pills.

Thinking of the old codgers up in Congress who want to add even more government regulations, makes me shutter. I worried about having early Alzheimer’s, and after reading through a few pages of the government’s plan, I am sure I have symptoms. Did plan J include a hospital stay deductible or was that Plan I? If my ears go out would a hearing aid be covered on Part A or was that Part B; or, would supplement C kick-in if surgery is necessary? I double checked on the mental health coverage. I suspect I’ll need to be committed soon, due to the stress of working through the mass of forms.

As I take a break for my lunch of salad greens and chopped veggies dotted with vinegar and a touch of olive oil, I reminisce about the hamburger, fries and malt days. I remembered the times my mailbox was full of fashion catalogues and Reader’s Digest Sweepstakes, not promotions for preplanned funeral arrangements.