First of all I am an optimist and procrastinator by nature. I felt good. Yes, the face was still screwing up and sometimes embarrassing. It had become second nature to explain what was happening to sales clerks or people who thought I was having a stroke or giving them a dirty look. Most of the time I could hide for the two minutes an attack took and no one would know it had happened.
The “spinning” was a bigger problem. So far I could drive. If I had a “spin” I’d rest my head heavily into the back of the seat which steadied me and on I’d go. Escalators were a problem until I realized if I looked solidly at the person in front of me I wouldn’t “spin”. I found ways to compensate.
But, I needed to find out the results of the last MRI just to be sure about the “swelling” (not growth). I was sure it was swelling or I would have heard from the doctors, right?
I called again. E.J., Dr. Parsa’s assistant (we are now on a first name basis), answered, apologized for not returning my recent calls. He had my files right in front of him and was just dialing my number. My team had finished their evaluations of the MRI, and they all agree, the tumor is growing. EJ wanted to set a date for surgery.
“What! Surgery! Date!” wait a minute. “Isn’t this serious surgery? With a long recovery period? I want to meet with the doctors to discuss this, not just set a surgery date.”
It’s November 22, 2010 and I”m waiting for a meeting with Dr. Parsa tomorrow afternoon. I have dozens of questions and want to take a personal look at the MRI and my dear persistent friend who won’t give up (you have to admire his stamina and determination).
I admit I have not done my visualization techniques thinking he had died. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. Perhaps he missed the attention and like a child, he’ll do what he has to for recognition. The prayer and yoga are still in tact. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.
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